If you love someone, set them free. If they don't come back, call them up later when your drunk!!! ;)
Say hi to the Naked Cowboy. And tell him it’s time to change his underwear. Leia mais.
Check out Lady Liberty! But not for too long, or they’ll think you’re a pervert. Leia mais.
Can’t believe anyone would go to New York and eat at the Olive Garden. Wait… UNLIMITED FREE BREAD STICKS?? I’m there! (See? That’s how they get you!) Leia mais.
Been waiting 30 years to do Letterman and it finally happened! By the way, it’s good luck to rub Paul Shaffer’s head while you’re there. Allegedly. Leia mais.
Before venturing off into the wilds of Kentucky , make sure you take plenty of Anti-Midget spray , those varmits breed like crazy in the backwoods !
Don't sit on the toilet checking your Foursquare for too long. Your legs fall asleep and makes it hard to walk.
Not all of the prostitutes at truck stops are biologically female. I just found out the hard way.
A lot of stores may be closed in this mall, but look on the bright side: that means less people will complain when I take a sink-bath in the mall restrooms.
If ur scared of minorities then man up...and don't worry about wearing a bulletproof vest, we'll just make sure to shoot u in the face.
